Canon Fire
by yurianimeotaku
Summary: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, no matter what type of woman she may be. ShoujoAi. Chie&Aoi, Chikane&Himeko, Haruka&Michiru, Kaname&Momomi, ShizNat, Shizuma


**A/N: **One day, after reading a particularly disturbing fan fiction, I pondered just what my favorite 'Canon couples' would think of some of the fan fiction written about them, if they read it. This is the result…

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**Canon Fire**

In a room somewhere in Tokyo, ten women have been brought together by Kaname and Momomi. All ten women milled around the room, waiting for answers as to why they were brought there.

"Shizuma, what do you think those two are up to now?" Nagisa asked an obviously distracted Shizuma.

"Nagisa, I have no idea," Shizuma absently answered as she intently checked out the other women in the room. She was sure the entire group was of the same ilk and coupled. She found them all stunning.

"Shizuru, who do you think all these women are?" Natsuki asked as her eyes darted from woman to woman.

"Ano, I do not know my Natsuki," Shizuru answered in her distinct Kyoto-ben, as she slipped her arm into Natsuki's.

"I only know you three," Chie said, as she wrapped her arm around Aoi's waist.

"Chikane-chan, those four women are touching each other like you and I do," Himeko said.

"Himeko, ALL the women in this room are like you and I," Chikane chuckled as she surveyed the room.

"Michiru, we don't have time for this nonsense. Do you feel a disturbance?" Haruka paced around Michiru's chair.

"Haruka, please sit down and stop pacing," Michiru implored her panther-like lover.

Thirty minutes later, Kaname entered the room with Momomi following closely behind.

"Thank you all for coming. Please be seated," Kaname opened.

"We were brought here!" the women responded in unison.

"Oh, that. Sit down anyway. Let's get started," Kaname threw packets at each of the women, reading their names out.

"She can't talk to me that way!" Haruka softly growled.

"Haruka," Michiru placed her hand on Haruka's arm and quickly defused her anger. This action was not lost on Shizuru.

"Who the hell does she think she is?" Natsuki softly grumbled.

"Natsuki," Shizuru placed her hand on Natsuki's shoulder and quickly defused her anger. She heard Michiru softly giggle and they gave each other 'knowing' smiles.

Each woman immediately opened her packet as soon as she got it.

"Read the contents. We'll be back in a few," Kaname and Momomi left the room, locking it behind them.

Haruka leapt at the door, only to find it locked.

"Go read your packet Tenoh Haruka!" came from behind the closed door.

A resigned Haruka returned to her place next to her beloved Michiru, who was almost finished reading the contents of her packet.

"Michiru, what does it say?" Haruka asked as she peered over her shoulder.

"Haruka, read your own," Michiru answered.

Silence fell over the room as the women continued reading their packets.

"NANI?!" yelled an obviously angry Natsuki as she quickly stood up and sent her chair flying backwards.

"Ikezu," a calmer, but obviously upset Shizuru followed. She then attended to calming Natsuki down and getting her back in her chair.

Similar reactions began to be exclaimed throughout the room as each woman finished reading the contents of her packet. Seconds after the last woman's angry outburst, Kaname and Momomi entered the room.

"What is the meaning of this?" the women angrily asked in unison.

Kaname flashed her trademark smirk and opened her mouth to speak, when she was interrupted by Shizuma.

"Kaname, what are you and Momomi up to now?" Shizuma stood and asked, definitely irritated.

"I was about to tell you Shizuma-sama, so please sit down and be quiet. You are no longer Etoile and I'm in charge here," Kaname smugly answered.

"Etoile? What? They know each other?" was murmured by some of the women.

"Each of your packets contain examples of what is called, 'fan fiction.' These are writings by fans and posted all over the Internet on various websites. Momomi gave each of you 'fan fiction' written specifically about you," Kaname concluded and Momomi took over.

"The reason each of you was brought here is because you are ALL what are considered 'Canon couples.' Your relationships have been established, are well-known, and extensively written about…with the exception of Fujino Shizuru and Kuga Natsuki. Your relationship was never established, just alluded to, however, it is well-known and extensively written about. As you can see in the contents of your packet, you two are commonly referred to as 'ShizNat," Momomi said.

"ShizNat?" Natsuki grumbled and Shizuru softly giggled as she linked her arm with Natsuki's.

"Hey ShizNat, can I read your packets?" Chie chuckled as she finished reading the contents of Aoi's packet.

Natsuki shot Chie a nasty look, to which Chie flashed her most arresting smile. Shizuru handed Chie their packets. Kaname and Momomi smiled as they watched each of the couples swap and read the contents of their lover's packets. As the faces of the women in the room began to darken, Kaname and Momomi thought it best to quietly slip out of the room.

"NANI?!" the normally stoic Shizuma yelled after she finished the contents of Nagisa's packet.

"Shizuma?" Nagisa was worried, since she RARELY saw Shizuma this upset about anything, except Kaori. Nagisa set about the business of getting Shizuma to calm down.

"NO!" Haruka crumpled the papers in her hand and threw them across the room, nearly hitting Nagisa in the head.

"Hey! Be careful," Shizuma yelled as she pulled Nagisa closer to her.

"Gomenasai," Haruka apologized.

"Haruka, stop that," Michiru placed her hand on Haruka's forearm to calm her down.

"Michiru, did you read what the fans are writing about you? Ami-chan? Setsuna? They make it sound like we live in a brothel!" Haruka's voice was tense.

"You've bedded almost every female in and out of our universe," Michiru chided her most important partner.

"Michiru, stop that," Haruka blushed.

Shizuru smiled as she watched their interaction.

"Chikane-chan, the fans think you're insane," a surprised Himeko quietly said as she turned to look at Chikane, who was visibly angry and getting angrier by the second.

"Himeko, they have you married to and having sex with Soma-kun," Chikane forced through gritted teeth.

"Same here," Shizuma said as she placed her hand on Chikane's arm to get her attention. When Chikane turned to look at who was addressing her, her eyes were SO dark, they startled Shizuma.

"They have you married to and having sex with Soma-kun?" Chikane's confusion lightened the darkness of her mood.

"I'm assuming Soma-kun is a male?" Shizuma stated. Chikane nodded her head affirmatively. "They have my wife Nagisa and me switching teams all together!" Shizuma fumed.

The noise level rose to nearly unbearable levels as the women became more agitated and started speaking to the other women in the room. On the other side of the door, Momomi asked Kaname, "Shouldn't we get in there?" Kaname gave her a reassuring look, "Not yet. Not yet."

Nagisa, having reached her noise level limit, shouted, "EXCUSE ME?" All the women stopped talking and turned their attention to the perky young woman standing in the middle of the table.

"Arigato. The noise level in here is reaching critical levels. Perhaps we could discuss everything as one group?" Nagisa concluded.

Shizuma couldn't help but beam with pride as she watched Nagisa take charge of the room. She smiled as she thought to herself that Nagisa was no longer a little girl.

"Let's begin by introducing ourselves one at a time. Since I have the floor, I'll start. I am Aoi Nagisa and this beautiful woman is my wife Hanazono Shizuma. Shizuma smiled and waved her hand.

"I am Himemiya Chikane and this lovely woman is my most important partner Kurusugawa Himeko," Chikane said. Himeko smiled and waved.

"I am Harada Chie and this gorgeous creature is my girlfriend Senoh Aoi," Chie said. Aoi smiled.

"I am Fujino Shizuru," Shizuru said. Natsuki waited for Shizuru to introduce her, but when she didn't, Natsuki shot her a puzzled look.

"I am Kuga Natsuki, which makes us 'ShizNat,'" Natsuki groaned. Shizuru giggled.

"I am Kaioh Michiru and this is my most important partner," Michiru said and nudged Haruka.

"Huh? Oh, I am Tenoh Haruka," Haruka said.

"Now that that's out of the way, shall we open the discussion?" Nagisa began.

All the women began speaking at once, so Shizuma stood and in her best Etoile voice, she said, "In an orderly fashion please," and sat back down.

"Since we began introductions on this side of the room, let's open the discussion on the other side of the room. Tenoh-san?" Nagisa said.

"Since I'm not very good at this type of thing, I'll let Michiru speak for us," Haruka answered.

"We found it quite disturbing and aggravating at the amount of creative license the fans took. Several of the writings depicted me as a bisexual pedophile that sleeps around quite a bit. They depicted Haruka as a lesbian pedophile who has bedded most of the females in and outside the universe," Michiru's voice was straining to maintain composure.

The other women stared at Michiru with wide eyes and open mouths. When Haruka finally took notice of them, she barked, "HEY! We're a happy NORMAL lesbian couple!" Haruka smiled and added, "I just happen to be an outrageous flirt." With this admission, Natsuki glared over at Shizuru, who pretended not to notice, but Michiru noticed. She leaned over to Natsuki and whispered in her ear. When Natsuki laughed, Shizuru glared at Michiru.

"Michiru, what did you say to Kuga-san?" Haruka asked.

"I just gave her some advice," Michiru answered.

"Ano, Natsuki, what did Kaioh-san say?" Shizuru softly asked.

"She gave me some advice," Natsuki answered.

In order to break up the private conversation going on at that end of the table, Nagisa made some throat-clearing noises and said, "Kuga-san, you are next."

"BAKAS!" Natsuki stood up abruptly, which sent her chair flying backwards yet again. Shizuru, Chie, and Aoi rolled their eyes. Natsuki caught the eye rolling, shot them nasty looks, and continued, "I don't mind the fact they have Shizuru and I coupled. We SHOULD have been established, but never were. We fought long and hard for our love. I would NEVER cheat on Shizuru and she would NEVER cheat on me. She's just an outrageous flirt like Tenoh-san." Natsuki smiled brightly at Michiru. Shizuru caught it and shot a death look at Michiru.

"Michiru, why does Fujino-san look like she wants to kill you?" Haruka whispered. Michiru smiled and dismissed Haruka with a pat on the forearm.

"Those bakas depict Shizuru as some psychopath who enjoys going around killing people!" Natsuki concluded, sat down in the chair Shizuru righted earlier, and wrapped her arm around Shizuru.

"They depict Chikane-chan the same way!" Himeko piped it, much to everyone's surprise. Noticing everyone staring at her, Himeko sheepishly smiled and looked down in her lap. Nagisa, attempting to get the shy girl to speak, addressed Chie, "Harada-san, would you mind if we came back to you and Senoh-san?"

"Sure. We can wait," Chie answered.

"Kurusugawa-san, please continue," Nagisa asked.

Chikane placed her hand reassuringly on Himeko's back. Himeko looked at Chikane and spoke, "Chikane-chan is NOT insane! She did what she had to do to protect me, because she loves me," Himeko finished and leaned into Chikane, who wrapped a protective arm around her.

"Same here," Natsuki began, "Shizuru did what she had to do to protect me," Natsuki finished. Shizuru looked at Natsuki with loving eyes and whispered, "Aishiteru Natsuki," in her ear, causing Natsuki to blush crimson red.

A soft collective "Kawaii" wafted through the room.

Chikane released Himeko and spoke, "They have Himeko married to and…having sex…with Soma-kun…a male! They soiled my Himeko with male hands!" The darkness was returning to Chikane's eyes.

"It seems we are what 'Loser Fan Boys' dream about in their pathetic little fantasies. Apparently, my wife and I have no problems switching teams all together," Shizuma chuckled to herself as she realized just how absurd that was. "Well boys, keep dreaming. Nagisa is all 'bian' and all mine," Shizuma balled up the papers and deliberately threw them at Haruka, hitting her square on the top of the head, which was down on the table. When Haruka raised her head to see what hit her, Shizuma flashed her most charming smile, causing Haruka to blush.

"Ecchi!" squeaked Nagisa. She blushed as she finished reading the papers Haruka threw at her earlier. She handed them to Shizuma.

Haruka leaned over and whispered in Michiru's ear, "Aoi-san just finished reading that trash written about you, my love." Michiru put her hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh. Haruka smoothed out the crumpled ball of paper that hit her in the head and began reading.

The other women in the room began exchanging their papers with each other.

"This is NOT yuri or shojo-ai! It is hentai!" a shocked Chikane blurted out after reading the trash Nagisa handed her.

"Well, these make you and I look tame," Chie said to Aoi.

Upon hearing Chie's voice, Nagisa realized she forgot about her and said, "Gomenasai Harada-san. I forgot you and Senoh-san."

"Aoi-san, after reading the fan fiction written about everyone else, we don't have any complaints. At least they keep Aoi and I coupled, with the exception of pairing Aoi with the queen, without bringing a man or men into our relationship. So far, we have no complaints." Chie returned to her reading.

After everyone had a chance to read everything passed around the table, Nagisa spoke, "Now that everyone has had a chance to read the entire sampling presented here today, does anyone wish to discuss this further?"

All the women spoke at once. Shizuma deeply sighed, stood, and in her best Etoile voice, she repeated her earlier statement, "In an orderly fashion please," and sat back down.

"I noticed they ranged from fluffy to extremely disturbing hentai. The latter written mostly by males," Michiru began. "While we cannot stop this, there must be _something_ we can do?"

Just as Michiru finished, Kaname and Momomi entered the room.

"Yes, there is," Kaname smirked as she and Momomi pulled up chairs.

"Here it comes," mumbled Shizuma.

"Do you have something to say Shizuma-sama?" Kaname glared at her.

"What is with you two?" Haruka spoke for the entire group.

"We went to school together on Astrea Hill. Nagisa and I graduated from the prestigious St. Miator's Girls' Academy together. Kaname and Momomi graduated from St. Spica's Girls' Institute" Shizuma quickly answered, cutting off Kaname.

"I've heard of Astrea Hill. There are three different all-girls schools on that hill. St. Lulim's Girls' School is the third," Chie stated and began snickering.

"Nani?" Shizuma inquired at her snickering.

"I heard the schools on Astrea Hill; while graduating most of the successful women in Japan, also produces the highest number of 'bians." Chie said as she held in a chuckle.

"And _where_ did you graduate from? A state school?" Shizuma smugly spat back.

"Actually, I, Aoi, Natsuki, and Shizuru all graduated from the prestigious Fuka Academy," Chie proudly answered.

"A co-ed school," Shizuma spat.

"And what's wrong with co-ed schools?" Chikane asked.

"Nothing, if you like being around males," Shizuma sarcastically replied.

"Himeko and I attended the prestigious _co-ed_ Ototachibana Academy and it didn't change us," Chikane evenly replied and shot Shizuma a look that silenced any further interaction.

"Are we DONE comparing schools now?" Kaname sighed.

"What is an 'Etoile'?" Himeko softly asked.

Kaname deeply sighed, rolled her eyes, and pointed to Shizuma. Of course, this only served to confuse Himeko further, causing her to knit her brow. Upon seeing the confusion written all over Himeko's innocent face, Shizuma pulled her chair closer to Himeko and explained what an 'Etoile' is and does. Apparently, Shizuma, being Shizuma, got a bit too close to Himeko for Chikane's and Nagisa's comfort. Nagisa shot daggers into Shizuma's back with her eyes. Chikane, her self-control finally exhausted, painfully removed Shizuma's hand from Himeko's back saying, "Hanazono-san, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't touch my Himeko." The other women in the room watched in rapt fascination as this drama played out.

"Michiru, please stay away from Hanazono-san," Haruka said under her breath.

Shizuma rubbed her sore hand as she backed away from Himeko and returned to Nagisa's side. When she saw the upset look on her wife's face, she instantly turned on the charm and began whispering in Nagisa's ear, which resulted in Nagisa turning very red.

"Michiru, definitely stay away from Hanazono-san," Haruka softly said.

"Haruka, she's _your_ type, not mine," Michiru responded and giggled.

After Nagisa came out of her Shizuma-induced trance, she noticed all the lovers had moved closer to their respective partners and some had their arm possessively wrapped around them. She smiled at the knowledge her wife could cause that reaction and giggled, secure in the fact she is the ONLY one Shizuma desires in her bed.

"See what you caused Shizuma-sama?" Kaname reprimanded. Shizuma just sat in her chair looking innocent.

"Now, back to what you can do about this travesty," Kaname's words dripped with venom.


End file.
